Question 1

What is the mission of this group?

Accepted Answer

Our mission is to provide no-commitment, low-cost social events and service opportunities to homeschooled tween girls in a nurturing environment that embraces all members for the richness of our cultural differences.

Question 2

Where does the coop meet?

Accepted Answer

We meet in and around South Charlotte.  Everything will be no more than a 20 minute drive from downtown Matthews because I can't safely drive futher with my disability.
 
Because this group has "tween girl" in the title of it, we are aware that this group could attract people without good intentions.  For that reason, we only give specific details about events to members who have confirmed they have a homeschooled tween girl in their family who is interested in meeting other homeschooled tween girls. 
 
As a diversity ally group, we are also aware we could attract people who want to take a stand against diversity.  Again, for that reason, we only give specific details about events to members who have confirmed they have a tween girl and are committed to the diversity ally mission of the group.

Question 3

When does the coop meet?

Accepted Answer

Friday afternoons.  The exact time is TBD once I get my daughter settled with her HS bus schedules.

Question 4

How much does this coop cost?

Accepted Answer

I collect $20 per family for the incidental costs I incur to offer these opportunities to your children.  The fee is per family and not per child.  The per family fee includes all tweens, all siblings, and all parents who might like to attend. 
 
Some families prefer to pay for one event and then pay the remainder if they would like to continue.  In that case, the first event is $5 and the balance of $15 is due before attending the second event.

Please note, in addition to the $20 fee for the coop, some events, like ice skating or mini golf, will also have a fee.  That fee goes to the facility, not to me.  When possible, I will try to negotiate a group rate, which is usually 25-50% off of door prices.

Question 5

Why does the coop cost money if we each pay our own way?

Accepted Answer

The first time I ran a meet up group, I thought, "if everyone pays their own way, it will just be my time.  It won't cost me anything."  By the end of the summer, I was out $250 for things like nametags, markers, craft supplies, paying for people who didn't attend after we confirmed a reservation, paying for extra tickets to ensure we met the minimum for the group rate, etc. 
 
I also incur incidentals when a morning appointment runs long and I'm running late, so I have to buy lunch, which we NEVER do otherwise because we can't afford it.  Or, for some events, I need to go check out the place first, so we go on our own to see what it's like and to make sure the location would be suitable. And, once we plan the event, we can't decide to skip it because we aren't feeling well or because we don't have the budget for it that week.  So, I try to make sure the family fee covers our expenses so we don't have to cancel because of lack of funding.
 
When I ran the first Tween Girl Meetup, I charged $15 for the semester.  It allowed me the freedom to buy fabric paints for a tshirt making craft without counting my pills to see which medicine I could postpone refilling to pay $30 for the paints.  I also bought a $50 scavenger hunt of downtown Charlotte that allowed the tweens to learn about the city's history, so while both events were free to everyone who attended, those two events cost me $80.  I use the fees to cover these types of expenses. 
 
Mind you, it is extremely awkward and uncomfortable for me to ask for money to cover my incidental expenses.  Being poor is new to me.  I have never been filthy rich, but I did used to have enough discretionary spending that I could just pay for a group of people and the benefit to me was that I could avoid the discomfort of watching other people dig in their wallets to find money to pay someone. 
 
I did consider charging enough of a fee that I could cover everyone's entrance fees, but that would involve a lot of financial risk for both me and you.  To do so, I would have to estimate how many people would come to each event.  If I underestimated, I would be stuck paying the extra money.  If I overestimated, that would mean you would have paid way more to join the group.  And, it would mean a flat rate for everyone, whether you attend one event per semester or all 15. 
 
So the fairest thing seems to be that each family chips in $20, which means the expenses I incur from organizing and running this group are covered, and each family can choose how many events they want to, and can afford to, attend.  If there's money left over at the end of the semester, I will spend it on stuff for the group.  For example, last semester, we knew the fundraiser would bring us into the black, so we provided snacks for the kids at the final event and I was able to provide a reduced entrance fee to one financially struggling family for that event.

Question 6

How much money do you make off of this coop?

Accepted Answer

Nothing.  My goal is to not lose money. 
 
There is no cost to be invited to the events, so I make nothing whether our invite list is 10 families or 100. 
 
Families who attend events pay $5 for the first event and then the remainder of the semester fee ($15) is due before the second event. 
 
This money funds things like name tags, markers, our NEW sign, printing costs, fabric paints, and other incidental expenses I incur by running this coop.  All money gets reinvested in the coop.  Eventually, I hope to be able to purchase a few diversity or anti-bullying games to use, but so far, this membership fee just covers my cost to run the coop.
 
As a lawyer, I charge $350 per hour for non-family.  I spend 2-5 hours per week on this coop. As a law professor, I charge $1,000 for a half day event.  So if you were paying for my time, the cost of the coop would be about $15,000 per semester, divided by 15-20 families who attend.  Each family would pay about $1,000 per semester.  Instead, I charge $20 per family per semester to cover my incidentals. 
 
I'm not making any money off of this coop, but I don't want to lose money, either, because I need to pay for medicine for myself and my kids.  :)

Question 7

Do I have to come every week?

Accepted Answer

No! 
 
This "coop" is a catch as catch can.  When you can come, great!  When you and your family can't make it, just skip.  There's no penalty other than missing out on the fun.  :)

Question 8

How do I sign up?

Accepted Answer

Fill out the interest form.  You can find a link to it on the top menu bar, on the right side of the page. You can also message me on Facebook or leave a comment on one of the posts.

Question 9

Are there parent commitments?

Accepted Answer

Not really.  You must stay at the event in case your child needs something. 
 
If you bring siblings, you must provide them with supervision and entertainment. With most events, I can incorporate siblings into the group seemlessly.  But for some events, it's not as easy and I can't supervise both the tweens and other groups of kids.  If any parent wants to organize something more offiecial for teens or the under 10 crowd, I'm happy to include you and your activities in our ads.  :)

Question 10

Is this a drop off event?

Accepted Answer

No.  Nope.  Nyet.  Nee.  Na~o.  Nein.  Nahi.

Question 11

Who can join the coop?  SA:  11-13 year old girls.

Accepted Answer

Any tween girl, age 11-13 may join.  Families are welcome to bring other siblings to avoid babysitters, but parents must supervise and entertain their other children.
 
If any parent is interested in leading activitiees for teens and/or the under 10 crowd, please let me know.  She can include your activities in the ads for the Tween Girl Coop events. When possible, I will try to include other ages in the events, but my primary responsibility is to provide a fun experience to the tween girls.

Question 12

I have a not-quite 11 year old.  May she join?

Accepted Answer

I'm not going to be checking birth certificates, so as long as she is tweenish and will enjoy the activities and the other tweens, she is welcome.

Question 13

My 13 year old is going to turn 14.  Will she be kicked out?

Accepted Answer

No.  Shame.  Poor thing, i'm sad just thinking about that!

Question 14

I have a really mature 7/8/9 year old.  May she join?

Accepted Answer

No.  This coop is for tween-aged homeschooled girls ages 11-13 and I have to draw a line somewhere to ensure this group remains manageable and fits the needs of the kids who attend and are looking for other similarly aged kids with similar interests. 
 
Please remember, I'm a homeschool mom, just like you, and I started this group to provide social and service events for my kid.  If you want events for your child, I invite you to start your own coop that meets your child's needs.  Or, you could agree to run weekly activities for the under 10 crowd.

Question 15

I have a 14/15/16/17 year old who would love these events.  Can she come?

Accepted Answer

No.  This coop is to celebrate the tween years in all of their glory.  They get to be the big kid on campus.
 
I encourage you to start a weekly teen coop or take over the one I ran summer of 2018.  Also, Elle is running a Teen Hangout group, so you can contact me and I will put her in touch with you.  Joanna also runs a ton of events for the teens and advertizes a ton more, so I can put you in touch with her, too.  Alternatively, if you would like to commit to organize weekly activities for teens at this meetup, I am happy to advertize that service at the tween events. But you have to commit to be there, prepared with a teen icebreaker and activities, every week.

Question 16

Is the coop only open to tween GIRLS?

Accepted Answer

Yes.  I ran a teen girl summer coop, which I opened up to boys.  It quadrupled my work. 
 
I had a blast and wouldn't change it for the world.  My teen daughter met some boys that she has continued to be friends with.  I'm so grateful that I opened it up. 
 
However, by the end of the summer, I was relapsing and my symptoms continued to get worse to where I was using a walker 3 days per week.  I'm only 45 years old, so I shouldn't need a walker to walk from the parking lot to a store where I will sit.   
 
I'm disabled and have a limited amount of time and energy to devote to organizing events.  I need to focus my energies on meeting my kid's wants and needs without taxing me too much.  Right now, my homeschooled tween has a strong preference for hanging out with other tweens who identify as girls. 
 
If your child identifies as a girl and is in the correct age range, you and your family are welcome.

Question 17

Is the coop only for transgendered girls?  What percentage are transgendered?

Accepted Answer

As an ally coop, we welcome transgendered girls.  I am just learning about all of the gender identities.  So, if we do have a transgendered girl join, I will just ask for some education and guidance on how to best embrace your daughter. 
 
Most of the girls who attend are cisgendered girls, and all of our families are welcoming to transgendered children. 
 
BTW:  A mom of a cis-gendered tween emailed me this question, twice, six months apart.  The question struck me as odd, so I thought I'd include it in the FAQ. 
 
Let me be very clear, this coop is inclusive of all people.  We do not tolerate members who say, "I have no problem with X religion or Y ethnicity, but the Ze gendered people need to..."  If you are not open to accepting everyone into your heart, move along.  This group is not for you.

Question 18

Why aren't there opportunities for tween boys?

Accepted Answer

Because no one has organized events yet!  I'd encourage you to create a coed or boy-only coop to meet the needs of your child. 
 
When I started this group, there was only one group for tweens and it was too far for me to drive, so I started a meet up group for my own kid and opened it up to her peers. 
 
I'm not going to lie, it's a lot of work, but not as much as it sometimes seems.  :)  When I keep the group small, single gender and single age group, I can just barely manage the planning and execution with my disability.

Question 19

Why do you discriminate against boys?

Accepted Answer

I don't.  My daughter currently prefers to play with girls.  My husband has a Ph.D. in child psychology and assures me this stage is normal, natural, and common. 
 
My daughter isn't a gamer and doesn't like jumping rope.  Thus, I don't organize video game parties or include jumping rope at park dates for my daughter.  I don't discriminate against video games, jump ropes, gamers, or rope jumpers.  She just doesn't enjoy these activities. 
 
When I opened the teen girl summer group up to girls, my teen met some lovely teen boys whom she still befriends.  However, it quadrupled my work. Since I'm a disabled mom with limited resources, who would much rather be working a full time job, who is organizing weekly playdates for my kid (and your kid is benefitting), I'm going to focus my energies on what she prefers and what fits within my physical limits. 
 
Follow Up Question (FUQ):  What if your daugher "preferred" to play with only white kids or only Christian kids? 
Answer:  Nothing about those "preferences" would be developmentally appropriate.  Nothing about those "preferences" would be about activities that she enjoys or doesn't enjoy.  That preference would come from a prejudice that we have worked very hard to counter.  We would step up our ally game and she'd do nothing but study prejudice and implcit bias until she cured herself of such hatered.

Question 20

Can I bring my younger children?

Accepted Answer

Absolutely!  (Provided that your tween girl attends.)  We don't want you to have to hire a babysitter!  Just remember, you are responsible for supervising and entertaining your younger children. 
 
Alternatively, if you'd like to organize weekly activities for the under 10 crowd, I can advertize this service with the tween events. But, you would have to make a commitment to come every week, have an icebreaker and activities planned for that age group, and be responsible for supervising the group dynamics.  Most moms prefer to just show up, talk with the other moms, and keep an eye on their own kids.  :)

Question 21

Can my tween's siblings participate in the events?

Accepted Answer

Most of the time, yes!
 
The purpose of the group is to provide social and service opportunities to tween girls.  If including siblings doesn't significantly diminish that experience, we will include siblings. 
 
If the group that shows up is a manageable size for icebreakers, we will include the siblings in the ice breakers.  If the group is too large, Hillary will organize the ice breaker for the tweens and any other attendant parent can organize the icebreaker for one or more groups of siblings.  I am limited in that I can't be in two places at one time.  :) 
 
If the siblings take away from allowing the tween girls to socialize with each other, we will ask an attendant parent to form a separate group for the tweens.  For example, teens often think faster and have more experience to draw from than tweens.  They are often bigger and stronger than tweens.  Thus, if teen participation significantly diminishes the ability of the tweens to have fun, then we will ask an attendant parent to perform an identical event for the teens.  The same holds true for the 9 and younger sibling crowd who have less experience, are often smaller, and are often less strong than tweens.  When the icebreaker is one where age, size, or strength, for example, give some a significant advantage, then we will ask an attendant parent to volunteer to provide an identical experience for the different age groups. 
 
Many of the events are also easy to incoroporate siblings.  For example, anyone can roller skate or ice skate.  Other events limit sub-group size.  For example, minigolf limits groups to 6 or fewer and bowling limits groups to 12 and fewer.  For these events, the tweens will be grouped together and the siblings will be grouped together by age unless a family requests a special accommodation that works for the other kids. 
 
I do ask everyone to remember than I am only one person and I have physical limitations, so I can only lead one group of kids.  I welcome help from other attendant parents to expand the opportunities to sibling groups.

Question 22

Why can't my younger children participate in the events?

Accepted Answer

I do not accept the premise of the question.  In many cases, younger children can participate in the events. 
 
For example, with roller skating or ice skating, the kids can absolutely participate.  With something like minigolfing, groups are limited to 6 or fewer, so the default sorting is that tween girls will be grouped together and then siblings will be grouped together by age.  However, if your tween or sibling need a different accommodation, just ask.  If I can make it work, I will!
 
For some events, there might be a limit to the number of kids who can participate.  In that case, tweens will take priority because it is a tween girl coop.  I haven't run into this type of event, but I acknowledge that there is a possibility. 
 
For some events, the event itself limits participation of smaller children.  For example, the laser tag event requires kids to wear a vest.  That vest is often too large and too heavy for children under 7 to wear. 
 
Do keep in mind, however, that the purpose of the coop is to provide social and service opportunities to tween girls.  In many cases, the siblings can participate in a seemless fashion.  If there are too many tween girls for one person (me) to effectively organize both the tweens and the siblings, then I prioritize the siblings and welcome another parent to organize the siblings. 
 
Thus, including siblings will be done when it doesn't significantly diminish the experience of the tween girls.  For most of the events we plan, it doesn't.

Question 23

What will the coop do for social events?

Accepted Answer

The possiblities are endless.  In the past, we've done mini-golf, ice skating, roller skating, laser tag, bowling, an escape room, indoor and outdoor scavenger hunts, and hung out at coffee houses and parks.  
 
This semester, we are looking at affordable indoor water parks, aquariums or petting zoos, open gyms, parks, and more!

Question 24

What will the coop do for service events?

Accepted Answer

This first semester we met, we had a lesson on mental health and the first responders that assist mental health providers, followed by a craft that helped a mental health organization prepare for their annual fundraiser.  We also made some plarn to make a sleeping mat for a homeless person.  And, we made some cards for sick kids in the hospital. 
 
Most service events start with 30-60 minute service project and then the kids have an hour of fun so that service is associated with fun. 
 
This semester, we will be reading to bilingual children one day.  And, we are still accepting great ideas for service projects for this semester.

Question 25

What if my kid isn't perfect?  What if my kid is mean to someone?

Accepted Answer

If your child isn't perfect, welcome to the club.  Pobody's Nerfect. 
 
If your child is mean to someone (or says something discriminatory), it could go a few ways:
 
1.  I witness the behavior and I turn it into a teaching moment.
2.  The behavior is reported to me during the event and I turn it into a teaching moment.
3.  The behavior gets reported to me after the event.  I will contact the parents. The expectation is that the parents will talk to the child about the behavior, the impact on others, and why the behavior is not acceptable.  If the injured party wishes an apology, I will also help facilitate a responsibility-taking conversation between all parties. 
 
The key here is that normal mistakes that kids make get addressed.  "Kids will be kids" is not the mantra.  "Kids will be kids who grow into spectacular adults when they are given the support and guidance." 
 
If your child is repeatedly mean to other kids, then your family will not be invited to future events. 
 
If anyone in your family says something that is over-the-top bigotry, then your family will not be invited to future events.  Examples would include using racial slurs, deciding that someone else needs God in their life because of their gender or sexuality, or calling someone a terrorist because they are have middle eastern heritage.  It has to be over the top or repeated.
 
Because of our diversity ally orientation, we get a lot of kids who have a hard time with social situations.  We strive to make it a safe space for everyone.  If your child needs an accommodation, let me know ahead of time.  If I can make it work for the group, I will!  So far, all of our kids have managed their situations in ways that show respect to others while taking care of their own needs.  That's all we ask for, and we counsel the kids not to take offense when none was intended.  For example, if someone is shy, they aren't "ignoring you."
 
Please note, in the discrimination exercises that we do, we will talk very bluntly about race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, etc.  And we will discuss stereotypes.  There's a big difference between acknowleding that a stereotype exists and supporting a stereotype.  For example, many people believe girls are bad at math.  Acknowledging the belief is different from telling a girl that she is bad at math because of her gender.

Question 26

My kid has anxiety or other special needs.  Is this group safe for her?

Accepted Answer

If your child needs an accommodation, let me know ahead of time.  If I can make it work for the group, I will! 
 
Because of our diversity ally orientation, we attract kids who have a hard time with social situations because the parents know that we strive to make it a safe space for everyone.  Most of the time, we succeed.
 
Other times, a child's anxiety rears through no one's fault.  In that case, we do our best to balance respecting the need for privacy with making the anxious child feel respected and welcomed back into the group.  We look to the parernts for guidance on how to maintain this balance for the child in question.

Question 27

I love this coop and I want to join, but my kids aren't the right ages/genders.  Please will you open it up?"

Accepted Answer

Do you know how much this question tugs at my heart strings?  I want to say, YES!!!  Of course I will! 
 
I want to open the group up to everyone.  I want to run multiple groups so everyone's child finds a group for him, her, them, or zer. 
 
But my time is limited.  And my energy levels are limited because of my disability.  If I had the energy to run more than one group, I'd get a part time job because I MISS WORKING.  If I had enough energy to run groups for everyone else's kids, then I'd get a full time job and help pay for my family's medical expenses.  But I don't.  Even on my best weeks, I am often bedridden several days per week.  So while I'd love to organize playdates for your kids, even if mine can't come, I just can't.

Question 28

I don't like the way this group is run.  What can I do?

Accepted Answer

You can start your own group! 
 
There are a ton of fun homeschool events to do in Charlotte.  I wanted to facilitate my child going to so many of the events, but between my doctors' schedules, my kids' doctors' schedules, and my medical driving restrictions, I had to skip most events.  So, I started this group for my daughter and made it work for her, for me, and my disability. 
 
If you'd like to start your own, I'm willing to answer questions!  I have helped others start groups and I promote other people's groups.  This tent is big; it can accommodate us all.

Tween Girl Meetup:

A Group of Diversity Allies

Engaging in Social and Service Events

Frequently asked questions

What is the mission of this group?

Where does the coop meet?

When does the coop meet?

How much does this coop cost?

Why does the coop cost money if we each pay our own way?

How much money do you make off of this coop?

Do I have to come every week?

How do I sign up?

Are there parent commitments?

Is this a drop off event?

Who can join the coop? SA: 11-13 year old girls.

I have a not-quite 11 year old. May she join?

My 13 year old is going to turn 14. Will she be kicked out?

I have a really mature 7/8/9 year old. May she join?

I have a 14/15/16/17 year old who would love these events. Can she come?

Is the coop only open to tween GIRLS?

Is the coop only for transgendered girls? What percentage are transgendered?

Why aren't there opportunities for tween boys?

Why do you discriminate against boys?

Can I bring my younger children?

Can my tween's siblings participate in the events?

Why can't my younger children participate in the events?

What will the coop do for social events?

What will the coop do for service events?

What if my kid isn't perfect? What if my kid is mean to someone?

My kid has anxiety or other special needs. Is this group safe for her?

I love this coop and I want to join, but my kids aren't the right ages/genders. Please will you open it up?"

I don't like the way this group is run. What can I do?